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Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can...
K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
Ever work out and think "wow I really needed that"? That`s how I feel about the chocolate chip cookie I just ate.
My wife even says "NO" in her sleep. The force is strong with this one.
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
Iām classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
The nice thing about being single is when you`re setting the silverware, it doesn`t matter which side you put the remote on.
Just ONCE I`d like someone to call me "sir" without adding "this is a place of business, please put your pants back on."
A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at nothing outside.
Please please, keep talking. I always yawn when I`m interested...
I don`t understand why people pay therapists when I`ll tell them what`s wrong with them for free.