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I’m the kind of guy who dreams about naps while I’m asleep.
Apparently there`s enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
You ever notice that the most dangerous thing about marijuana is getting caught with it?
I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`
I DON`T NEED ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!! (Except for Louie...the name I`ve given this meatball sub.)
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I`m telling you why...we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
Whatever it is ... I didn´t do it!
Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bulletproof vest.
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can’t stop smiling like an idiot.
If you live up be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.
status uploading