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According to a recent study 52% of women have used vibrators....I`m guessing the other 48% have new ones?
Seriously, ladies. If you just stop sleeping with douchebags eventually their species will go extinct. Look at the big picture here.
Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
I just dusted and mopped the house like 3 months ago and it’s dirty again. This is bullsh!t.
Do bees even have knees?
Last night my wife said to me, “What would you do without me?” Apparently, “Your sister” was the wrong answer.
I was an adult once. Then I opened a Facebook account.
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you`re lying becomes less important.
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche.
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
The way to win the lottery is to choose the correct numbers in the correct sequence before they are announced. (You’re welcome)
Did a 5k today. Except it was how many calories I had at lunch.
Saw a wasp in a spider web and I don`t know who to root for.
When there is nothing to do ... That`s what I do