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Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
MAN LAW 101: No man should ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
I enjoy planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sit back to watch the magic unfold.
I’ve watched “Aladdin” like 25 times with my kids, so I know quite a bit about politics in the Middle East.
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
Why is it called cat nip and not meowjuana?
I think it`s safe to take the fax numbers off our business cards, now, everybody.
Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
It`s so cute how you can throw balls right at kids faces in the Chuck E Cheese ball pit and they think you`re just playing.
If you`re stuck in the wild, rub two mozzarella sticks together to start a pizza.
Sometime you have to hand it to short people ... because they can`t reach.
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
Stealing other people`s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far!