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In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
Making mirrors look good, since 1972
“But I read somewhere…” -me about to make some sh!t up.
I`m as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn.
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
I’m not a schizophrenic… At least, that’s what all the voices tell me.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
Sometimes words are not enough. That`s why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...
When one door closes another one opens. Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that’s how doors work.
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.
Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That`ll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.