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Roses are red, violets are blue. I lowered my standards, just for you.
After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that`s not done at this hotel....
I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
I only drink on two occasions; when its my birthday and when its not.
I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter, like watching TV and having a beer.
When I first went on the pill, I put on some weight. Which proved to be a very effective contraceptive.
Haircuts are great because I did none of the work but get all of the credit.
If you`re feeling powerless just remember a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park.
Why do single people take advice from other single people? That’s like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions
I turned out ok for a kid raised in a large part by Bugs Bunny.
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium
I’m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
I may be asking too much of this coffee.