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I miss the days when minding your own business was a thing.
that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
If you`re happy and you know it, thank your ex.
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
High-five a veteran today.
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you`re innocent".
That awkward moment when the woman your dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, and you realize she`s just lost an earring and nobody in Starbucks can hear your iPod...
My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I`m not angry or covered in piss.
One time I exaggerated so hard that I died.
Help I`m covered in chameleons & no one believes me
"Estimated Time of Arrival" on the GPS. Challenge accepted!
Iām bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
People who learned a bunch of stuff must have felt pretty stupid when Wikipedia came out.
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.