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SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn`t working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don`t get it.
Pretty considerate of germs to count all the way to five before jumping on the food we drop.
I hate when I go to pump gas only to find out that the little metal "handle hold up thingy" is broken, so I have actually squeeze and hold the handle. I hate it for two reasons: 1) its gross and i just wanna peel my hand skin off like gloves when im done. 2) it makes me realize how lazy I am.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
Still waiting for the moment when there will be a "add to wishlist" button on people`s facebook profile !!
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I`m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
I’m old enough to know what’s bad for me and young enough to do it.
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
If guys had periods, they´d brag about the size of their tampons.
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?
The best way to let people remember you is to `borrow money from them`