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Some days are just not meant to be productive.
In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don`t think I can keep watching movies
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
Admit it, you should be doing something else really important right now but your on Facebook again.
I am tired of men complaining about women complaining about men complaining about women
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
when i was little my dad told me that the icecream man only played music when he ran out of icecream well played dad well played
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, “try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal”
Sorry I wore tear-away pants to your wedding. In my defense I really thought I had on underwear.
Driving a Dodge doesn`t automatically make you a defensive driver.