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I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
What number SPF blocks people?
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
I wouldn`t want lesbian parents. Not because I`m homophobic. I just don`t want to get stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
If everything goes as planned, tonight I shall drink myself beautiful.
When I`m on my death bed, I want my last words to be...."I left 10 million dollars in the..........."
that an iPhone 6+ in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
I was the kid my parents warned me about.
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
I’ve never met a weekend that I didn’t like.
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”
You`re annoying, but honestly, I`ve been annoyed by better.