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The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die.
I`m an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
Why do the commercials with the husband and wife doing a home improvement project never show the fistfight?
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well.
There is only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk.
Nobody pissed me off today... I got to get out more.
I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.
You know that old saying? If you seen one woman naked. You want to see all women naked.