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There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today`s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you`re here now, you failed.
Yeah, I was dropped as a baby. Into a pool of sheer awesome.
I don`t like thinking before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth
I try to live every day as though it were my last, and who wants to do laundry on the last day they’re alive?
How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?
I do what I want, when I want, where I want. If my wife says it`s okay.
I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA
There`s a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
What I lack in sex appeal I make up in staying home and drinking.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.