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My train of thought likes to circle around the station a few times, take some wrong turns, and end up totally lost.
I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
This one isnt that funny, keep scrolling.
I am the undefeated champion of this”smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don’t-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day” game.
Wanna try something funny? Go to a bank and yell "NOBODY MOVE..(Scary pause)..I lost a contact lens."
"How`s phone reception in the bathroom?" is an important question, but one you just can`t ask on a job interview.
I can’t believe that all these “single ladies in my area” want to meet me, must be due to all the “free Ipads” I’ve been winning.
Thanks, autocorrect. I`m sure she`s dying to know about my huge peninsula.
I’m on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.
I’m positive that somewhere out there exists a video montage of me dancing alone in various elevators.
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.