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Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
Sweetie, if your gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty!
I’m going to start telling girls that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
I like to go on drunk facebook post binges, then claim the next day that someone hacked my account.
That awkward moment when the automatic flushing toilet goes off when you`re still sitting down.
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
Side boob is only hot on women, bro.
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
I wish my bladder had a snooze button.
I like to go to the bathroom with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting onto the elevator with me.
I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing.
DAAAAY-OH! DAAaay-oh! Monday come and me wanna go home.
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?