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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
Starting an international incident is number one on my bucket list.
Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like, hey you, I love you so much, I`m gonna get the government involved so you can`t leave.
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
My retirement plan is just $1,000 & a plane ticket to wherever these kids are living on 15 cents a day.
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”
Today in my local cemetery I came across the grave of Arthur Wynne the inventor of the crossword puzzle. For those that want to know where he is buried it`s 6 down and 4 across.
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
I`m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
I scream. You scream. The police come ... It`s awkward ;)
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.