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I`ve created a shoe made out of Legos, so when you step on Lego it doesn`t hurt. You just get taller.
Well I was gonna donate blood today until the lady got all personal and started asking "who´s blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I`d have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
It`s amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there`s a pill available for it.
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
Magician: Now I will cut the woman in half. Me: Why turn one problem into two?
I`d hit that. - women drivers
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
I`ve stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.
My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he`s a lamp...what does he know....
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
I don`t know karate, but I do know crazy, and I`m not afraid to use it.