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Black Friday is the second closest thing to a zombie apocalypse except they want sales instead of brains.
I’ve watched “Aladdin” like 25 times with my kids, so I know quite a bit about politics in the Middle East.
Let me be honest, I dont even walk a mile in my own shoes.
When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
Despite being a pain in the a$$, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.
Fast way to mess up someones Knock Knock joke? "It`s open."
Some days should come with a warning label: This day is going to suck, bring alcohol.
No, I do not want to talk about how I got all these scratches. On a completely unrelated note; If you`ve ever wondered how many squirrels fit in a pillowcase,,,.. it’s 9.
My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
The best way to get over someone is probably with your car
Breast awareness month: we stare because we care
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.
Every time I make plans to eat better I can hear my stomach laughing