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Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.
If you think I hate you ... I probably do.
I`ve seen more pins in the last few days then stone cold steve austin on groundhog day..
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
Why can`t the ice cream man just get a freakin liquor license already
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
Condoms prevent minivans.
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies I’m going to pay with.
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
Carrots may be good for your eyes, but alcohol will double your vision.