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It’s silly how we spend money on clothes when naked is free.
I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
They say you have real problems if you hear disembodied voices; fortunately all my imaginary friends have bodies.
60% of women fake orgasm.. 100% of men don`t give a sh*t about it..
Hiding from people at parties is my cardio.
I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
Dropped my cheeseburger in the dirt before I ate it. That`s about as organic you`re gonna get out of me.
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pac Man, for 25 cents that bitch would swallow balls til she died!
Is somebody not editing what I´m saying here???
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours
I don’t have a problem with friends who ask to borrow money. I love a good laugh as much as the next guy.
Stealing other people`s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.
My wife just changed here facebook status from "Married" to "widowed", should I be scared?