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Facebook: Proving that just because you have an opinion doesn`t mean you should share it.
If you like someone, pretend they`re a charger and you`re an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor.
"Dancing with the Stars" is being canceled, but tune in to a new reality show by the same creators called, "Athletes do your Taxes."
A hard thing about business is minding your own
A computer losing its internet access is the equivalent of a car running out of gas, both become useless.
My sleep number is 100 proof.
If I owned a copy store I would only hire identical twins.
I`m putting more thought into my Halloween costume than into my job.
When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem solver.
Stop Instagramming words. I`m not following you for your thoughts. Take off your f*cking shirt.
The naked truth, is always better than someone’s best dressed lie.
Curling irons have a warning tag that says “For External Use Only.” Which of you sick mofos made that necessary?
It’s a status….not your diary…
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.
Hey Russia, you spelled Sushi wrong.