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When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
I love my work, but I would also love to never have to do it again.
I like people. I just don`t want them talking to me. Or breathing near me. Or making me look up from my phone.
"5 React 2 Gum-- Experiences may vary. Stimulate your senses!"-- Same effect as LSD, but chewier.
I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check
Bipolar smile :(: ...... Gets um everytime !
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
Whenever I give money to the homeless, I get yelled at that "they are just gonna buy booze with it". All I can think is ... Oh like I wasn`t ..
A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you`re hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
Y`all are gonna lose your minds when Donald Trump eats a Snickers and turns into Bernie Sanders.
After a night of heavily drinkin` there`s one thing I can`t stand...and that`s up.
My coworkers are looking at me like they`ve never seen anyone tailgate before work.
Whenever I fill out a job application with a box for "Race," I add a question mark and then write, "Anytime. Anywhere."