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Why I don’t like people: 1% logical reasons. 99% just because.
Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
Talking louder does not make you any less wrong.
Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"
I`m sorry call me old fashioned,but i think your shorts should be longer than your vagina...
If I throw a stick will you leave?
In all my years, I have never finished a pencil.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit".
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
The leading cause of divorce ? ... marriage
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn`t that make life fair?
A coworker just wrote "Retard" on the windshield of my car. It`s taken me over an hour to lick it off!
FYI, Target does not give prizes, no matter how many bullseyes you hit in the store with a paintball gun
There damn well better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober!