Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you drink enough, your brain starts photo-shopping people.
A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat.
The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That`s 15 minutes, right? I`m not reading too much into it?
Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you`re angrily chasing him.
My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?" I said: "Of course I would. I`d miss you, but I`d still love you."
The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
One does not simply log out of their friend`s facebook account without making them gay.
Sharing your faith on Facebook is like sharing a fart in a elevator. It might feel nice to come out but no one really wants to hear it.
Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of, "Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator."
There`s always cake to celebrate happy moments, but I really think cake would do better during the bad times. Got fired? Have a cake.
Just realized all books are different combinations of the same 26 letters. This is BS!
Bitch, you`re just like monday, nobody likes you -_-
Every time someone says "Have a nice day!", I yell "DON`T F**KING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot. I didn`t even know I had a wife.
Boyfriend: Why do you watch the Food Network it doesn’t make your cooking any better? Girlfriend: Why do you watch porn?