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what if the princess wants to be with bowser, but mario keeps kidnapping her
Divorce is expensive because its worth it.
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
Things that keep me awake # 408...How do Amish girls know if it’s a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
Just got legitimately excited when I remembered I can pay a person to drive a pizza to my house
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
If I ever get off this couch, I’ll be unstoppable.
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
I`ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
Will someone please tell ugly girls with small boobs that their opioion doesnt really matter.
There should be a law requiring the cashier to high five you every time you buy a box of condoms.
Halloween is great because kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.