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If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
Going to drink straight from the carton because I`m a badass!
I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
You know how people dread going to the dentist? I feel that way about getting out of bed.
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer, but you can`t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
"Okay" means you`re in the clear. "K" means you`re better off not coming home. Fellas, you know what I`m talking about.
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
Dude, next time you wanna wave at me, please use more than one finger.
Life Tip: Hang out with people who make you forget to look at your phone.
My New Years Resolution for 2015 is to stop being so impatient.
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.