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Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left behind by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
I`m the kind of crazy you weren`t warned about because no one knew this level existed.
Where does Peter Pan have his lunch? At Wendy`s.
People saying "Laugh my a$$ off" and still having an a$$ next time I see them is the reason I have trust issues.
Tattoos are an expensive and a painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
Guy- What`s your sign? Me- Stop
Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
drinks well with others.
Don`t worry about walking a mile in my shows. Try a day thinking in head.