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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
My wife didn`t appreciate me pointing out that my alcoholism began around the time that we first started dating.
It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
Step 1: Remove food from packaging. Step 2: Throw out packaging Step. 3: Dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time, Repeat steps 2 & 3 as necessary
"I’m not drunk!” is an argument only very drunk people think they can win
Honking your horn won´t make them go any faster, but at least they´ll know that you´re an asshole.
Why is it that whenever I have to turn around in a strange driveway, I feel like they`re gonna come running out with pitchforks and torches?
God created the world in 7 days but took 9 months to create me. So clearly I’m a big deal...
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
Birds do it. Bees do it. Heck, even fleas do it. Let`s do it! Let`s live in a homeless man`s beard!
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn`t stolen.