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And for my next magic trick, I`ll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
I won the Twister contest hands-down.
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
Mom: You haven`t moved since I left 5 hours ago? Me: Excuse me, where do you think these chips came from!!???
You need a high five, in the face, with a chair.
You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah.
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
I saw a spider in my bathtub. So I took a tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.
What Flickering Lights Mean: 1% Electrical problems 99% demons and sh!t.
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
The secret to dancing is pretending you have a wedgie and you’re trying to get it unstuck without using you’re hands.