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I miss the days when minding your own business was a thing.
Attention!! Today I am traveling back in time to right some wrongs in this world. You will know I succeeded if the Germans lost WW2 and that Thursday comes before Wednesday.
I wish, just once, I could actually hit the pedestrian crossing the road slow with the "what`re gonna do, hit me" look on their face.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
I enjoy long walks away from responsibility.
This status is mine....I licked it.
Acting like a mature adult is super easy if you hate having fun.
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
Survival rule #1: Don`t go first.
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver.
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
My favorite part of seeing someone I know in public is pretending I didn’t.
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.
I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.