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Starting an international incident is number one on my bucket list.
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
I`m pretty sure my Internet Explorer “error reports” end up the same place my letters to Santa do.
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
Government shutdown day 8: Electricity still works. Water is still running. No cool gangs to join yet. Worst apocalypse ever.
Resisting the urge to write "Just shut the f*ck up" on someones status.
Geez....Why do they only make hand creams that smell feminine? Why can`t they they make one with a masculine scent? Something like Doritos or WD-40?
Why does whoop-ass only come in a can?
I copied and pasted your pic of what you ate...and got MORE "likes" than you did. :P
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.
Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they`re out of control.
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.