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The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn`t park anywhere near the place
I`ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn`t just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.
Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.
There is no better sunscreen than sitting inside a bar.
I hope the meteorite crash in Russia doesn`t affect the price of Vodka!
Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on some one elses saved game
I saw a bumper sticker today that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...
It`s funny how this guy grating cheese over my pasta thinks I`m going to say stop.
I plan on leaving all my money to the campaign against illiteracy. ...They can`t read this right? lol
My car broke down outside Pizza Hut last night. So I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house and got a lift from the driver.
My pet rock turned 4,054,870,001 today
Sometimes when Iām feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.