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I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
60% of women fake orgasm.. 100% of men don`t give a sh*t about it..
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
I would like to think I will die a heroic death, but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: ‘last warning, you have a week to get the money together.’
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
Did you know? If you were to watch all of the Saw films, it would take you 666 minutes?
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
Lay-Z: My rapper name.
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!
"I`ll drink to that." -me to my next drink
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.