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I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
Now there’s Adderall to perk up, Xanax to calm down, Prozac to feel normal. In my day we drank beer for all three.
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny, AND thin ... It`s a public service really.
If jail isn`t supposed to be fun, why do they get bunk beds?
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well if anyone would like to sponsor me I will send you a selfie a day.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Whenever somebody is murdered, the 1st person the police investigae is the spouse. That should tell you all you need to know about marriage.
Some questions just answer themselves. Like, sit-ups or pizza?
Of all the advice given to me over the years, “There really is no bad time for a beer” has proved to be the most helpful.
With my luck, I`ll die and get reincarnated as myself.