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I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses
Why do cops ask us why we think they pulled us over? It`s their job. I dont go to the station and ask why they think I created a powerpoint.
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping SCREW YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.
Commence six months of the clock in my car being wrong.
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. In other news, my faith in humanity has been restored.
Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.
I live for those really small but special moments in life, like when I see the waiter bringing my food to the table.
I like superheroes but I`d rather hang out with the villains.
Don`t you just want to write on some people`s Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?
Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house, but that fly is dead.