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Who is this "Moderation" they keep telling me to drink with?
A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
wants my 260 FB friends to know I love you all..except #193
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
My daily routine: Wake up, be awesome, go back to sleep.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face...
I know the voices ain`t really, but man, do they ever come up with some great ideas.
This morning I jogged for 30 swear words.
Just bought an exercise bike today because my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won`t accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.
Guys, if she says she’s crazy, she’s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
I am so clever sometimes I don`t even understand what I`m saying.
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
Babies are really cute until you meet one that`s not a picture.
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off your life.... Based on the math, I should have died in 1732.