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That awkward moment when there`s not a single awkward moment
life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
Out of all the lies I`ve ever told, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
I`m looking for a girlfriend that likes me for my money, but is really bad at math...
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
I like my relationships like I like my eggs: over easy.
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
I`m doing the KFC Bucket Challenge!
I`ve probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator
Admit it. When you go to the zoo, the first thing you look at is the Camel`s foot.
According to WebMD, people are Sick & Tired of me
I don’t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish ... I`m not even high.