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I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
The secret to dancing is to pretend you have a wedgie and you`re trying to get it unstuck without using your hands.
Boy it`s nice out today... or at least that`s what it says on my computer.
When I squeeze a tube of `whitening toothpaste` and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
If cleanliness is next to godliness, then my car is Satan`s chariot.
I found a spider in my shoes. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
Knock knock Who`s there? Control Freak. Now you say "Control Freak who?"
I`m not fat. My stomach is in 3D
With the right person, there is no such thing as inappropriate behavior.
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
You say hangover. I say out of booze.
Just another day of not being rich and famous.
BREAKING NEWS: Will Smith sends Miley Cyrus to live with auntie and uncle in Bel Air.
I really think my life would be a lot better if my fitness app would just lower its standards