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Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
PMS is no joke, you guys. I just ate like three bags of Reese`s Pieces. Oh, and my wife`s really being a bitch.
So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
When I bust a move , it stays busted.
I drink because people talk.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
When in doubt, procrastinate.
I love Christmas presents wrapped in bubble wrap... it`s like two gifts in one!!
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit`s door.