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At first, I had my doubts about using autocorrect. But my new phone probed me wrong. PROVED DAMNIT! PROVED!
I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
My therapist cries "Why me?" for the full hour.
Tomorrow the world shall be ours! Until then, good night my evil minions!!
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let`s get a cat.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
Do short people start their childhood stories with "when I was little", too?
Honestly, I have no idea what I would even do with 5 hours of energy.
HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(
BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.