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I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
I`ll be right with you, I`m busy being inappropriate on the internet.
All milk is breast milk.
Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission
Walmart: the only place on Earth you can get a haircut, eye exam, ice cream sandwich, tires for your car, and witness a real life "what not to wear" episode.
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy
My bank called because they noticed ‘highly suspicious activity’ on my charge account. It was for a gym membership.
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
Daylight Savings makes us lose an hour... It’s kind of like Facebook.
My name is Fred and I`m a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
It`s funny how things change when you get older. It seems like just yesterday I would spend my evenings on the front porch and treat myself to some killer weed. Now I spend my
My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can`t stuff your face when you`re sleeping.
Probably a good thing I`m not a ghost cause I`d just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food.