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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
I bet Miley Cyrus is eating Twerky right now.
I’m sorry I’m late. I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses and spent 4 hours wondering what the f**k he was protecting his eyes from.
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
The path to inner peace begins with 3 simple words....Not my problem.
I have over 500 facebook friends, and i want to say that i love you all...except for number 376 ..you`re a real a@@hole!!
Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
I hate when people call me and ask "WHO IS THIS?"
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.
Only 3 more days until millions of people join the gym for a week.