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I don`t ever need to go sky diving or bungee jumping. Leaving a pizza in the oven while I make a quick run to Walgreens is about all the adrenaline rush I can handle.
I don`t eat a high fiber diet to be healthier, I eat so I`ll have to $hit more at work.
Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
There are a thousand better ways to spend your time and yet here you are with me.
Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
Don`t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex`s name tattooed.
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
What do you mean casual Friday does not mean drink wine and get drunk at work
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".
The quality of a good neighbour is not seeing them often.