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Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
Nobody wants to know your diet. So shut up, eat your lettuce and be sad.
I don’t understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I’d stay at home with the wife.
I didn`t text you. Vodka texted you.
Stop complaining about being single on Valentine`s Day. We have bigger problems in this world. Like why McDonald`s doesn`t serve breakfast after 10.30
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
When I say “Nevermind.” I really mean you should’ve listened the first time.
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
Well, I`ve officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.
Some families are like Snickers Bars. Mostly sweet, with a few nuts!