Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus.
I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s a$$ to fall off.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth that it brings.
I can already tell it`s going to be another one of those mornings where I`m not rich and famous.
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
I spent yesterday painting some kickass flames on a car. I bet whoever owns it was stoked when they came out of the mall.
I need to do laundry so bad I`m actually wearing Christmas stockings
Just heard some guy yell "F**K!" ... I thought this was impressive because not many people can pronounce asterisks.
Thank god we don`t send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?
I don`t want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don`t think they`re ugly or something.