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i want a cute boy to let me hold his hand and his credit card
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I`m not actually pregnant.
If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
There`s a big difference between knowing what time the liquor store closes, and what time it opens.
Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
Perhaps we should hold elections on the last Friday of November, with polling stations at Walmart, Target and Apple
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
Most of you like waking up in the morning to see the "comments" and "likes" that your status received. I like waking up in the morning to see WTF I posted!
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
Guys, how many times have you said "it looks great honey" when you really are just laughing inside?
Wtf neighbor I waved to you last week
Its all fun and games until someone drinks the beer with the cigarette butts in it..
Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
I just want to be rich enough to pay people to not talk to me.