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Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
I`ve reached that time of day between "coffee wearing off" and "murdering my co-worker."
When my boss says, "women of a certain age" then looks at me, it`s ok to stab her with a letter opener, right?
Whoa! Thank you warning label! I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
Never tell a lie ... unless it is absolutely convenient
When life hands you lemons it should only remind you to buy more tequila, life is as simple as that.
If you touch your phone in the right places, a pizza will arrive at your door.
It should be a rule that if you dress up like a red hair clown , you get a free happy meal at McDonalds .....I`ll pay this time , but I`m not happy ... !!
I got so much Crazy going on that the term "Bi-Polar" would be excessively underestimating my condition, let`s go with "Multi-Polar" from now on.........
Stay Calm, take a breath, and reload.
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?