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Well kids, texting wasn`t always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You had to click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.
My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
I clean my house like everyone else ... 5 minutes before someone comes over.
Now that I`ve maxed out my 401k for the year, I`ll get a tattoo, said no one ever.
I like pressing F5. It`s so refreshing.
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
Don`t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain`t.
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
I only hug people when I need to wipe my hands off.
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.
Facebook where I am surrounded with people but still no one can see me biting my toe nails or picking my nose :-D
at my age, the best part of waking up is the fact that I did wake up
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.