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Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.
Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
It`s amazing what you`ll wear in public when you`re not trying to have sex with anyone.
People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow ... Just sayin
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
Adding "just sayin" to a smart-a$$ed comment makes you even more of an a$$hole. Just sayin
Why aren`t they called A$$teroids instead of hemorrhoids???
The boss said I should let my creative juices flow. What he doesn’t know is that my creative juices are vodka and cranberry.
When I was growing up, I was taught to walk and talk and when I was grown, I was told to sit down and STFU!!!
My grandfather once waited in line for 36 hours to get a loaf of bread and I can`t wait two seconds for a Youtube video to load.
Before bed, my Dad would always say, "OK son, time to hit the sack." Not sure how me punching him in the balls helped him sleep, but hey, that’s my Dad for ya.
I need to hire someone who will follow me around and just knock the unhealthy food out of my hand.
Volleyball = A more intense version of don`t let the balloon hit the floor.
I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.
Nothing good ever came from drinking things that are on fire.