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If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
People that use statistics in everyday arguments are a$$holes 100% of the time.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
Sleep feels the way pizza tastes.
I can already tell this is going to be one of those days where I am not rich and famous.
When a porn actress is rude at a restaurant, there`s really nothing the staff can put in her food for revenge.
Every club is a strip club, if you have the money. Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you have the balls.
I sure did waste a lot of time as a kid practicing my autograph.
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
There is no angry way to say `bubbles.`
As I was signing into my email account instead of yahoo.com I typed hayoo.com...nope, it wasn`t right but I got to thinking it would be quite appropriate, afterall, we`re trying to get someone`s attention, right?
I am not particularly bad at cooking but how long is pasta supposed to stay in the toaster ?
If I can’t act weird around you, I’m sorry we can’t be friends.
It`s 2013. With all the hormones in food and advances in medical technology, why are there still girls with less than C cup boobs?
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one