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Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34C
"Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
I ignored your Facebook friend request because there isn`t a "Hell no!" button.
Why is it that the most interesting things in life usually aren`t in our best interest?
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
I read my kids a few select facebook statuses before bed, kiss them on their heads, and whisper, "This is why we have to stay in school"
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I`ll have to let her in.
Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."
It`s never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
Iām sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those TacoBell hot sauce packets.
I can`t wait til the Presidential race ends so we can stop hating people for their politics and go back to hating people because they`re jerks