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I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
Some of these Giraffe profile pictures are a vast improvement.
That very akward moment when Shakirah`s hips lie!
Show me, on this cat calendar, how long it`s been since you`ve had a date?
I understand vampires being invisible in mirrors, but what the hell happens to their clothes?
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
Don`t refer to them as voices in your head. Do as the professionals and call them your `team of writers`
On the bottle of mouthwash it says "24 hour protection", so why do the directions say "Use Twice Daily"?
I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn`t care.....Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0
Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.
I’m dedicating this status update to all the status-less people out there. Stay strong.
at my age, the best part of waking up is the fact that I did wake up