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If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
When people say they did something "like a boss" I just picture them doing it fatter and with less hair
Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
18 is TOO young to get married! You can`t even buy booze at 18! If you can`t buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?
Those awkward moments when you catch yourself feeling frustrated with your kids for being just like you....
There’s plenty of fish in the sea… I just suck at fishing.
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
I’m not getting old. I’m becoming a classic.
Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you`re into fitness
Awkward moment when you just wanted a sugar daddy but becomes the First Lady of America!
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else...
All through school I assumed they saved the number 1 pencils for the smart kids
The only reason I offer to be the designated driver is so people will get used to seeing me load lifeless bodies into my car.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything.