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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
It`s so cold Miley Cyrus got her toungue stuck on her wrecking ball
By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I`ve likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
There has to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction.
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it breathe. 2) If it does not look like it`s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
There are two reasons I would never drink toilet water. Number 1 and number 2.
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school.
Rob Stalker for congressman........Stalker....a name you can trust.
There are 2 kinds of people I can’t stand: Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what in the hell is going on.
Relationship status: Just got screamed at for peeling the carrots wrong.
I have learned from watching crime dramas on tv when the good guys yell "Federal Agents" at the bad guys, the bad guy always runs. Wouldn`t it be smarter to yell "Prize Patrol" if you really want to catch a bad guy?