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I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
Sadly no matter how hard you try, you can`t mail a fart. Too bad though, because this would actually make paying Bills a lot more fun.
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
What is the difference between a trapeze artist and a supermodel?. The trapeze artist has a cunning stunt.
Some people post because they need attention and validation. Not me. (Thanks for reading this, the `Like` button is below)
Grandkids are basically puppies for old people.
To all the lovely ladies here I`m not wearing green....to all the guys here, I know Ju-Jitsu. Just saying
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
If you think nobody cares if you´re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn`t 3 hours long.
I`m thinking about starting a vegetarian dance club... I`m going to call it "lettuce turnip the beets". What do you think?
I’m not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
Studies show that men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. Unless your wife finds out.
I’m still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.