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Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I posted "Help, I am in an Iranian prison" everyone would be like "haha good one"
I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.
Turtle: I`m the slowest. Snail: No, me. Internet Explorer: Bitch, please
"Friendzoned" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he’s all wagging his tail, but I know he’s not listening. I get it ladies.
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad.
Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
Im really not just some idiot with nothing better to do with my time, I just play one in FB.
Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.