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Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
Oh you better not pout. You better not cry. You better not shout I`m telling you why. Nobody gives a f*ck.
I swear my cat was an alarm clock in a previous life...
wishes life would hand me lemons especially today.. that way I`d have something to throw at the people that are pissing me off
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
Dinosaurs never had pizza and they all died.
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To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.
If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating
Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped and shattered my phone
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.