Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you like to do for fun.
that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!
If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"
The truth is, men put the lids on jars that tight so you’d need us, we’re not that stupid.
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
I could really go for a vegetable sandwich! Maybe some tomatoes, some spinach, cucumbers... With cheese. And a hamburger patty. And bacon. Ok I really want a bacon cheeseburger.
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.
My boss yelled at me today “It’s the fifth time you’ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!” I said, “Probably that it’s Friday?"...
I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"
Procrastination: when "make a bucket list" is on your bucket list.
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.