Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I put my phone on airplane mode, and it dragged me out of my seat.
I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th, because I know how to reduce fractions unlik the rest of you morons.
The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
I`m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
Just so you know, when you repeat what you just said I won`t be listening then either.
I`ve upped my driving skills, no go Up yours!
Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says "I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.
Next time I`m on an elevator with four or more strangers, I`m going to turn around and say, "I`m sure you`re wondering why I`ve gathered you all here."
I say No to drugs but they... won`t listen.
Just got done putting up all the garage sale signs. Hope the neighbor appreciates how much work I put into their surprise garage sale.