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My dog acts like his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
Roses are red! violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Snot.
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.
Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.
I have reliable inside information about Apple`s next product. I will not be able to afford it.
I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree ... I think I found my spirit animal.
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
When I see something funny on the internet, I don’t usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual.
I hate when I accidentally eat everything in sight.
This is not meant for you. Look away. STOP LOOKING AT IT! :)
Driving isn’t even in the top 5 things I’m thinking about when I’m driving.
Breast awareness month: we stare because we care
I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.
I scream. You scream. The police come ... It`s awkward ;)