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I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
Sometimes I say stuff without even meaning to be funny and I`m like "Man, my subconsicious is hilarious!"
I read "Do not believe everything you read." Now I`m not sure whether to believe this or not.
Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
IRS: We`ve got what it takes to take what you`ve got.
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!
When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my feet while lying on the couch, so I guess today was leg day...
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"
Shouting "Not it!" should still make us exempt from doing anything that we don`t feel like doing.
And I was like “No, Coke is NOT ok. I wanted a Pepsi.” And she was all “Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies.”
Volleyball is just a more intense game of "Don`t let the balloon touch the floor"