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Ok but how old is your child in minutes?
I`ve done a lot of things over the years ... But acting normal has never been one of them.
I try to avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they are in the middle of a race.
Meanwhile on Facebook, someone has made a casserole...
I bought my mother in-law one of those atomic clocks. I can`t wait for the alarm to go off.
When you think about it, the little old man behind the curtain in Oz was the original catfish.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
Ride me like you stole me.
3 words, 8 letters, easy to say, hard to prove... ..."I`m a zebra."
I spent yesterday painting some kickass flames on a car. I bet whoever owns it was stoked when they came out of the mall.
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
I`m done with tucking in shirts. Too many people complaining I`m invading their "personal space." LOL
I probably shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night ... Especially as I walked there in the first place.
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it`s not their own.
Sex-ed classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for six straight hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.