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I feel like being that guy that gets upset when people use the term "straight A`s". "Fabulously flawless A`s" sounds much better.
Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
My life is like a romantic comedy expect there’s no romance and it’s just me laughing at my own jokes
As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable.
Has anyone EVER checked to see how the room or wall behind them looks before taking and posting 50 selfies?!
Hey, if it doesn`t work out, we can still be friends. Said no guy ever
If you stand by the sea, it sounds like putting a shell to your ear.
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
You know you`re broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity.
Well, all I have to say is TGIF. (Post this on any day but Friday to get comments)
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
Think we could get the North Korean hackers to end "Keeping Up With The Kardashians"?
If you recieve something that says,”Send it to all your friends” , then please don`t consider me as your friend.
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.