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I`m as nutty as a squirell fart
We live in a world in where it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract
Sure, I can speak Spanish... "Margarita!"
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.
PRO TIP: Date someone who doesn`t drink vodka so she won`t drink all of yours.
Just once, I`d like to see an honest Facebook status, like "happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!"
If video games have taught me anything, it`s that you`ll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
Don`t you hate it when you`re typing something and you`re thinking about something else so then you subconsciously type what you were boobies.
My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.